L'Aigle Noir

When I was young, I was bullied by my stepmother for over 13 years. Between the age of 9 and 12, all I wanted was to end the torture. I attempted suicide 3 times.
I didn't know who to talk to, what to say and what to ask.
If you suffer, talk to someone you trust.
Talk to me.
This song is about a black eagle coming out of nowhere and seducing you to surrender your life. Never give up.

Quand j'étais jeune, je me suis fais maltraiter par ma belle-mère pendant presque 13 ans. Entre 9 et 12 ans, tout ce que je souhaitais était de stopper la torture. J'ai essayé de me suicider 3 fois.
Je ne savais à qui parler, quoi dire et quoi demander.
Si tu souffres, parle à quelqu'un de confiance.
Parle-moi.
Cette chanson parle d'un aigle noir qui descend de nulle part, qui nous séduit pour abandonner notre vie.
Ne laisse pas tomber.
 http://bit.ly/NSKYKN

Ignorance is bliss

It's interesting how we take everything for granted. Back in 2013 when I got sick, I left NYC for Trenton, like it was any other day. I was in pain and my friends and students knew I was having problems, but not until I announced how bad it became.
It is now the end of May 2015, and I haven't seen most of the people I used to see on a weekly basis... Yet when we saw each other last, we said:
"See you next week!"
Not even with an hesitation on the fact that I would be so sick, that we wouldn't be able to meet ever again (Well, with some of you... It could be).
I choose to see happiness in that. It proves that overall, we are optimists, we want our friends and colleagues to succeed and to be healthy. We also count on the relationships we have and in our subconscious we love them, and accept them for what they are (the relationships).
Today I am grateful, because I have some very good friends that have shown their love and support, and still do while I am still ill. But I am also grateful for those who have ignored me, and those who believe that I am better... As long as you think I am well, it is sending good vibes to the universe for my recovery, and I thank you for ignoring me (Not that you are doing it on purpose... I know you've got a life too, and probably some problems as well, but please don't tell them to me, so I can keep a great image of you, healthy and happy.)
All that to say, that if you are reading this, you are way above the majority of people who won't even bother, since there's no picture, but know that I love you and remember that you are beautiful.
As Ellen DeGeneres says: "Be kind to one another"
And as I say: "You are beautiful, but feel free to ignore me, I appreciate your positive thoughts."
IGNORANCE IS BLISS

GOT WHAT?????

As you may know, my last blog was about me and Lyme desease. Since it was January 22nd, a lot of things happened. I am going to try to make it as clear as possible, and chronologically so its easier to follow.

1 - January 14th - HOSPITAL - DOCTOR #1.
They didn't test me, but just by the description of my symptoms and the way I walked in, I was prescribed:
- Amoxicillin 500 mg, 3 times a day/30 days (ANTIBIOTICS)
- Naproxen 375 mg, 2X a day/30 days (Anti-inflammatory med)
DOCTOR #1 suggested, for me to see a Rheumatologist and to take an appointment at the free clinic, since I don't have Health Insurance.

That same day, I applied for Medicaid.
I also researched Lyme desease online and called my friends who had or have it and follow advices as best I can. NO SUGAR, NO WHEAT, NO ALCOHOL (I'm still sober so it's all good for me).
Drinking all sorts of detox teas and herbal concoctions to get rid of bad things.

2 - January 27th - HOSPITAL - DOCTOR #2 - (Free clinic)
After a long discussion with a foreign doctor, he realized that I am gay, so told me it's not Lyme but most likely something related to my sexuality such as AIDS.
I told him to test me for anything he wanted, but to make sure I get tested for Lyme desease.
He renewed the anti-inflammatory meds for another 30 days and gave me a follow up March 3rd.

3 - January 28th - HOSPITAL
They took about a pint of blood and told me to go home and continue the antibiotics and painkillers. For the results, the doctor will call me if anything is abnormal.

4 - February 4th
I called the hospital, as I was in pain and would have liked to hear about my results.
Answering machine. I leave a message.
2 days later, a nurse called me and said that since the results were inconclusive, to stick to my next appointment and to continue the treatment.

5 - FEBRUARY 11th I went to the hospital and asked for my medical records. I get the blood test results, and the first thing I see is that ALL the protein levels are very high, translating into an infection. Yet I have no wounds, I have not injured myself, but everything hurts.
The Lyme test is negative, so is HIV and the other weird things I was tested for.
It's also my last day of the antibiotics.
I began to take B12, Pro-biotics, and Vitamin D.

6 - MARCH 3rd - HOSPITAL - DOCTOR #3
It's a snow day, so doctor #2 took the day off and I was to meet a new doctor.
She confirmed the infection based on the blood test results, but she refuses to believe it's Lyme...
I asked her to do anything to find what's wrong, and I mentioned how much my neck and upper part of my spine has been bothering me since my accident in 2010.
She prescribed NAPROXEN 500mg this time, for another 30 days, and a muscle relaxer BACLOFEN 10mg for 30 days. In addition I get her to prescribe an MRI of my spine and more blood tests.

The doctor also managed to get me an appointment with a Rheumatologist.

7 - MARCH 4th - HOSPITAL
Blood test, another pint of blood out of me.

March 5th I celebrated 8 years of sobriety, but it's irrelevant to this blog. ;)

8 - MARCH 6th - HOSPITAL
MRI of my neck and upper back. Easy.

March 7th, I decided to stop the muscle relaxers as I woke up nearly paralyzed and in extreme pain....
March 18th, I went to the medical records for my tests as no one called me since, and see that everything we tested for was negative.

9 - MARCH 19th - HOSPITAL - DOCTOR #4 and #5.
Once in the hospital, I was introduced to a doc (#4), who for about 30 minutes made me go over the story (All the way since April 2013, see previous blog...). He also made me undress, touched here and there, wrote about 2 pages in tiny characters. Finally he told me to dress up and wait in the room.
        Since dressing up takes me forever, as I cannot grab anything, and perhaps 15 minutes later, Doctor #4 entered with another man, older and more mature, and told me he is Doctor #5.
Doc #5 is the Rheumatologist every one was there to see that day.
For 25 minutes, I re-told my story that he also wrote over 2 pages, and as he touched the back of my knees, he turned to doc #4 and told him that something was wrong and that it shouldn't be so hard.
Doc #5 was the first to say, "Lets be aggressive, and figure out what is wrong with this young man. I have never seen these symptoms on someone under 45."

10 - MARCH 20th - HOSPITAL
MRI of my right knee.
XRay of both hands, right elbow, lower back. (14 in total)
Blood tests to check my iron levels and other things, to see if it could be an hemochromatosis.

March 28th, I went to the hospital and got all my blood results, and the reports of the MRIs and XRays. I also got the images on a CD, just in case...

The same day, I sent everything to my chiropractor in NYC, who is an excellent doctor, I only wish I could travel to see him. He looked at the reports and results, and is sending me some more tests to do and send back...

So at this point, I still don't know what I have, but I can tell you how I feel.
- My hands are almost always freezing cold, even with gloves inside the house. Only 3 fingers can bend almost as normal, the rest is too painful.
- My feet are very tender and sore, as if I had walked for days with bad shoes.
- My right ankle began to hurt MARCH 25th. It feels like a tendonitis. (Burning sensation inside)
- My knees hurt in the back mainly, but sometimes on the inside as well. Like a nerve.
- My right elbow hurts all the time and I can no longer stretch my arm. (Since July 2013)
- My left shoulder started to hurt in mid February.
- My middle back alternates from right to left pain. the more the back hurts, and the more everything hurts.
- Every few days, I get a high fever for a couple of hours, generally in the evening.

Again, these pains are constant, and vary from a 7 to a 10... Back in January when I was taking antibiotics, everything had gone down to about 5 and maybe 4 at times.
Also since the first round of antibiotics, my depression totally lifted.
My situation is as bad as ever, but I'm happy.

Drinking DETOX tea.

A friend who had lyme and caught it right away, was prescribed antibiotics. Since he was allergic to these, he was prescribed another one and he sent me the first ones.

Since APRIL 1st, I am taking doxycycline twice a day, as if it is Lyme that I have, this will be the only way to get rid of it.
I have more appointments with Doctor #2 on April 14th and May 15th with Doc #5.
Hopefully I'll survive til then.
Thanks for reading, and excuse my short replies to your personal emails and messages, but as you can imagine, typing is very challenging.
I love you, and please remember that you are beautiful.

Got Lyme!

To take my health and my high pain threshold for granted was a big mistake. For the past nine months, my body has fallen apart in many ways. It all began in April 2013.
I was on a short business trip to Europe, and life was good. Since my friends were taking Zumba, I decided to give it a try. It was so much fun, that I took the class again. But after the third class, I woke up at my friends' really tired and with a very high fever and strong headache.
After spending the day inside and resting all day, that night became hallucination-land!
I couldn't sleep, and the fever made me see all sorts of characters in the room with me.
In the morning I went to the doctor, and after a long examination, he said I had everything like the flu, without the flu... (Only doctors can come up with something like that).
After 3 days in bed with fever and headache, advil and aspirin 3 times a day, I got better and returned to NYC!
Attending the premiere of "The Sneaky Boa Brothers" was great and flying the next day to Mexico City to teach a 5 days dance workshop in "Ryver Dance Studios" with around 150 students.
That week was excellent, I danced 7 hours a day, and felt great. Tired yes, but great. The Saturday before departure, I woke up in the hotel room with a light fever, and the same knee pain I had the week before in Europe. More to it, it felt like my knees were encased in plaster and it was challenging to bend them.
All I thought was that after 5 days of teaching, I was a little tired, nothing serious. I returned home and all went well.
For the longest time, I've had a yeast on my skin and it looks like little red or brown islands on my torso. When 3 weeks earlier I had noticed a 3 inches spot under my belly button, I only thought that the yeast had found a better place to develop, and I treated the area the same way I treat my torso.
July was a busy month, as I was finishing the editing and the last version of SNOW, my first feature film. Apart from being tired and a little depressed, I woke up in the middle of the night, with a strong pain to my right elbow and my neck and middle back. Again, I only thought it was me getting old and something I had done in my weekly dance classes.
In any case, I did see a wonderful chiropractor, who fixed me every week til September.
The pain would go away for a day or two, but returned, slightly stronger each time.

By September, people around me speculated that it was the fact that I teach dance twice a week, or that I ride my motorcycle to work (300 miles a week on average).
Well, it was time for a vacation, and off I went to France and Italy for almost 3 weeks, and where I didn't dance nor ride a motorcycle. In fact all I did was eat and visit museums.
The pain continued as if I was working out every day.

I returned home and after a one week cruise for my birthday at the end of October, I began to be extremely depressed. Sad, dissatisfied, crying most days and night, not wanting to live, not seeing any light around me. And for November and December, it was coupled with new pains in the hands, the feet and by then, I couldn't bend my knees and had to change some of the exercises in my class, to be able to demonstrate them to my loyal students.
Of course, more speculations were shared by people around me: "you're getting old," "It's arthritis," "you need a break, you work too much."
It's true I tend to overwork myself, and I always cease the day as if it was the last, but I know my limits and I have my days (Rarely) where I do nothing and watch movies all day.

2014 started with a lot of snow, and bound me to stay home. On the 5th, I went on another cruise (My roommate is awesome and always invites with him ;0) and that's when things went nuts.

On Explorer with the cruise director and staff - Awesome people!

The first 3 days were okay, I was still in pain, but was able to move around and even dance (Through the pain...Only dancers can do that). On the 4th day, I woke up with so much pain, I could barely walk and forget about dancing. The bottom of my feet, my knees, my middle back, my shoulders, my right elbow, my hands and my neck felt as if they were connected to an electroshock and randomly sent me charges. It was not fun, I couldn't sleep, sit, walk...
A woman I had met at the Zumba class saw me sitting at one of the cafe, eating a granola bar, and asked me what was going on? I explained to her that my body wasn't right and that I would go to the hospital as soon as we were on land. After describing my symptoms, she said to make sure to get tested for Lyme desease, as it is common to have only one joint affected.

Reading and researching info on Lyme.

Last tuesday, I drove myself to the emergency room, and explained why I was there. Before I could say anything, the man said it sounded like Lyme.
A few minutes later, a nurse cam and asked me what was wrong. I explained. She said it sounded like Lyme desease. Finally the doctor comes, and after looking at me (In my underwear), and listening to my problems, she said it sounded like Lyme.
Now, you should know that I don't have Health Insurance, so I asked what my options where:
1 - The hospital no longer does the Lyme desease test, as it is followed up by a doctor. The option is to go to an infectious desease specialist and get treated there. (NOT happening, too expensive...)
2 - Go to a rheumatologist  as it might not be Lyme, but if it is, he could treat it. (NOT happening, even more expensive)
3 - Get a prescription as if we knew I have Lyme and treat like that. (HAPPENING).

So I left with a prescription of 4 weeks of antibiotics and anti inflammatory medication without being tested. How wonderful to be a human in 2014.
Luckily the internet is full of resources and many of my friends had Lyme, so after spending hours on the phone and reading hundreds of blogs and such, I am treating myself.

I managed to get an appointment at the free clinic, on the 27th, and I will make sure they do blood work and xrays of my neck and back.
This is what I've done this week (WEEK 1)
- Antibiotics (3 a day Amoxicillin 500mg)
- Anti inflammatory (1 to 2 a day Naproxen) Sometimes I don't even take them.
- Vitamin supplement (One a day - Generic brand)
- Glucosamine (1 s day - Also generic)
- NO sugar (I miss my muffin and nutella in the morning)
- NO honey, maple syrup, agave (It's still sugar...)
- NO coffee (Tough too)
- NO bread, pizza, wheat.
- Lentils, beans, carrots.
- Garlic (1 head a day - I always eat garlic, so it's easy for me)
- Flax seed (1/4 cup a day - in my salad, soup...)
- Hot tea (Green, detox, anything to cleanse)
- Hot tub bath {103 degree helps breaking the biofilm protecting the bacterias} (Lucky to have a roommate with a hot tub, I know)

I miss Nutella!

That's all so far, but after 1 week of this, I actually feel a bit better. I'm trying to find homeopathy remedies from my European friends, and more supplements to take, but trying to keep it a very low budget. (Yeah I ain't got no money).
At this point, I still don't know if I have Lyme or not, but til I'm certain, I'll continue the treatment.
I miss teaching dance and talking to my wonderful students, I miss the city, I miss my acting classes, and I miss Nutella. But I feel better and hope to get ready to go soon.
Thank you for reading and remember that you are beautiful.

Sleeping Beauty by Matthew Bourne.

Recently I helped a dear friend with her website. To thank me for my time, she offered me to see the Matthew Bourne Sleeping Beauty at City Center in NYC. 15 years ago I remember loving his all male version of Swan Lake, not so much because it was all male, but simply for the originality in the interpretation, and for the solid vision throughout the piece.

Yesterday was the night we had agreed upon to see this extremely publicized version of Sleeping Beauty. With posters announcing a Gothic Tale, I was expecting "Interview with a Vampire" on stage.
You should know that I'm very familiar with Sleeping Beauty, as not only I've seen many ballet versions over the last 20+ years, but also, back in 2003, I was presenting my New York City third season of Saba Dance Theater, and it was no less than my own Sleeping Beauty.
So when the music began and the story unfolded, I was a little surprised by the bareness of the stage and the simplicity of the costumes. In Bourne's Swan Lake, the bare stage looked like a design choice, but in Sleeping Beauty, it looked like a lack of funds.
As a professional dancer I was told by the great Pearl Lang, that modern dance went against the repetitive of ballet by surprising the audience with sudden changes of directions, levels, speed, none of which happened on stage last night.
In Bourne's Sleeping Beauty, the dancers look misused and despite their great talent, are doing movements that a high school production could surpass.
Let's be clear, the dancers were fantastic. I just didn't think the choreography was good or interesting.
The highlight of the show was a baby puppet, and to my surprise, the puppeteers were not invited to the bows at the end of the show.
Am I harsh? I don't think so. I've given a great deal of my time to making costumes, choreographing, rehearsing and dancing to know, that this show is far from doing what Swan Lake has done. In fact, Sleeping Beauty looks as if it had been choreographed by a different person.
Some of the twists in Bourne's version were interesting and I appreciated the shorter version of the Tchaikovsky score, but I would not call it Gothic. A little black around the eyes of the dancers, some lace and candles doesn't turn a tame show into a Gothic show.
Whoever worked on this production was probably blinded by the craze of the publicity they received, and they couldn't speak their minds about the things they didn't like.
In any case, this is only my opinion and I'd love to talk to you if you see the show and absolutely love it.
Have a great day and keep dancing to celebrate life.

If you want a spoiler about the story, and a happier review to this show, read the New York Times' or any review really, as I seem to be the only person who didn't like the show.

Italy.

For the past few years, every time I came to France for "Vacation," I ended up working all day sorting things in my father's house and working with lawyers and such official people, resulting on a return to the States, totally exhausted and depressed. But this time...It's different.
I arrived in France September 5th, and though I did have a few meetings with officials, I didn't tell many people I was here, and therefore have been having a great time.
I'm staying half in Antibes at my old friend and professor of University, and the other half in Biot, at dear friends of mine.
Since April, I have been talking to a friend in Nice, about going to Italy and returning to my favorite city in the world, "Florence" (Firenze... I know, but...).

Saba and Freddo on the Duomo in Florence, Italy - 2013

So last Friday morning, Freddo and I left by car at 4AM, from Nice, in the French Riviera, and we drove a short 8 hours to Rome in Italy, and arrived around noon, perfect time to get our first Italian lunch. When in Italy, one must eat pasta and pizza, nothing else. Well, unless you're a carnivorus, in that case you must eat Italian meat and cold cuts.

My four days trip = 900 miles by car. I loved it!

One reason for me to return to Rome after many years, was that I always refused to visit the Vatican and give money to an already overly rich group of people, but my need to see the Sistine Chapel, took over my stubbornness, and after a speed walking through the museum, Freddo and I arrived in the chapel.
Within seconds, my brain changed its settings, and the hundreds of tourists around me, Freddo included, disappeared, to allow me to dive and swim along the paintings covering ceiling and walls alike. Here I was imagining the long, lonely hours, Michelangelo spent painting the ceiling, deprived of reason, good lighting and company. The voice on a microphone, yelling "Silence" took me out of my thoughts, but I still spent a long hour admiring the chapel.
Rome was also the Coliseum, the Trevi Fountain, the Piazza Navona and many more incredible buildings and monuments around this incredible city.
Sunday morning, departure at 8AM, direction Florence. By 10.30AM, we were dropping our bags to our Pension, and left to our first coffee. I always drink too much coffee when in Italy and France, because they really know how to make it.
My absolute favorite place in the city, is the Fontana del Porcellino, a bronze statue of a boar, spitting a thin amount of water.

Saba at the Fontana Del Porcellino - Florence, Italy - 2013

Lunch was at the Porcellino restaurant for an authentic pasta dish.
Upon arrival, I found a jewelry store, selling beautiful rings of animal heads and other fancy designs. Finding one with a pirate skull in silver, I married Florence in an instant. (Florence was the name of the first girl I kissed, the French way...).
Between Sunday and Monday, Freddo and I visited the Acadamia with the authentic David, the Duomo of the cathedral, the Campanile (Bell tower), the Ponte Vecchio, and a long list of tiny streets and place around town.

Saba in front of the Ponte Vecchio, Florence, Italy - 2013

As we were about to leave, we returned to the jewelry store where I bought my skull ring to meet the owner and creator (Patrick Wandaël, French man living in Florence for the past 35 years), what a great man. Though we went there for a quick hello and goodbye, we spent over an hour and a half talking about jewels, art, dance, olive trees, Florence, France, America, life the way it should be. Eventually we said goodbye, and though I was tempted to purchase at least another few rings, I didn't as I promised to return just for that.
While entering our new direction to the GPS, someone knocked on my window, and here was Patrick holding a ring representing the Porcellino Fountain, telling me that now, I would have a great way to remember Florence.

Saba's rings from Patrick Wandaël Design, Florence, Italy

I was already in love with the fountain and the city, but now it's official, I'm married to it.
Thank you Patrick, for being such an extraordinary man, who follows his heart, and lives his life the way everyone should.
I am back in Antibes now, and during my morning walk at the beach this morning, I was going over my own life, and decided that I, too, should live my life the way I want it to be lived.
Thanks for reading and remember to live well.

Travels...

I can't believe it's already September...I am sitting in my friend's living room in Antibes, South of France, French Riviera to be more precise, and I'm enjoying a nice little vacation.
Arrived Wednesday morning, and I will return to NYC on the 25th, it's time for me to slow down and relax a bit.
For the past four years, since my father passed away, every time I came back to France, I always had some paperwork, and unpleasant things to do at the house, such as throwing away things that belonged to my dad. But this time, I'm here without any agenda, and will go along with what life will bring me.
Yesterday, I drove with 3 friends to Bordighera in Italy, just to have lunch... Best lunch ever, Italians know their food.

Saba in Bordighera, Italy.

When I returned to Antibes, I picked tomatoes and eggplants that are cooking as I write, and will be eaten tonight.
This morning, I went for my first morning walk at the beach. Totally empty, it was myself and maybe ten people spread over 2 miles. FABULOUS!!!

Saba in Antibes, France.

The only other plan I have, is to drive to Florence and Rome, next weekend.
It's so strange to not have to refer to my calendar every hour, and to just take the time needed to live a good life. I need to do this more when I'm in NYC. Gotta go eat soon.
Have a good day, and remember that you are beautiful.

Saba's feet, getting wet.

International Indie Gathering Film Festival.

From August 16th to 18th, I attended the 18th International Indie Gathering Film Festival in Hudson, Ohio. http://theindiegathering.com/
This year I won the an award for my feature screenplay "About A Week" in the comedy-drama category. Last year the directors of the festival had asked me to be in the Acting panel at the lecture, and I was fortunate to be aside the great Robert Z-Dar and shared some very special moments and had a lot of laughs.
When Kristina Michelle, one of the producers, asked me to be in the acting panel again, the screenwriting panel (since I won this year as a writer), and the directing panel I jumped on the opportunity. If you know personally, you know how much I like to talk about my passion. But the true reason I take these opportunity, is because, as a long time teacher, I know that you re-learn what you teach. And being in these panels, and having to inspire young film makers, has revived my flame even more.
Sitting along the great actor Joe Estevez, and director Gary Jones and other incredible talented individuals, I realized that regardless of what you've done in your career, we're all in the same boat.
Joe Estevez said: "Be positive...20 years ago, I change my mindset and noticed the changes in my career." Gary Jones, who was showing "Axe Giant," and in addition to his priceless contribution to the directing panel, spent hours chatting with me in the lobby of the festival.
People have said that I'm a passionate person, and seeing and listening to Gary Jones, made me feel good to see that he was as passionate as I am.
Talking about passion, last year I was approached by a charming woman, who introduced her 17 year old son and sought advice for college. We connected, exchanged numbers, talked a few times over the phone and emails, and upon my return this year, her son, Ryan Colegrove came to me and we basically spent most of the time watching the same movies, and attending the same lectures.
Ryan, who enters Columbia Chicago as a director, had to projects in the festivals, and won first place in each category.
After the Award ceremony, Ryan, his mom and I, spent another 4 hours chatting and realizing how much we had in common. What a treat it is to meet beautiful people, who share your passion.
Next year I'm gonna submit SNOW, and probably a bunch of other things.
Saturday morning I attended the monologue competition, and I took the 2nd place in my category. Not bad, but this was more for me to experiment this particular monologue. It was fun, and was glad to be a part of the competition.
Since we sent SNOW to 18 Film Festivals around the world, let's see what comes next.

Remember, you are beautiful and life is beautiful.

A FRENCH GUY NAMED SABA on Youtube!

Today, my dear friend and roommate Keith is celebrating his 50th birthday. So for a year now, I've been thinking of all the things I could buy, which totaled to a very short list, as I am a real starving and struggling actor.
When it comes to gifts, I could go for a DVD, an Amazon card, a CD maybe... A dildo, but then again how to choose the right size, it's delicate, this type of item has no return policy, so I decided to keep thinking.
What is it that would make it unique, special, and priceless. PRICELESS is the word everyone likes when it comes to a gift.
Now, I might be poor, meaning I've got no money.... But I'm the richest person on earth when it comes to creativity. My mind never stops, I sleep very little every night, and spend hours thinking about what I could do to make life a better life.
Back in January, Keith noticed that I was getting better at playing the guitar, since I was practicing for my feature film SNOW. I was playing Lola from the movie, when I joked about learning and playing "Don't stop believing" from Journey and play the song for his birthday.
I looked online and found chords, youtube tutorials, covers by all kind of singers, but I was too busy and put the song on the backburner, as SNOW was my only priority at the time.
A few weeks ago, I realized we were approaching Keith's birthday. My finance are at the worst they've been in a long time, so forget about the DVD and other cheap items... No, I had to come up with a plan.
SNOW was finished end of July, and for it, I had to cut a trailer using Adobe Premiere Pro software to edit. While doing that, I realized I knew the program quite well, since for the past 3 years I spent countless hours sitting with my editor, watching him use the program.
AND THEN, it happened... I was looking on youtube at "Don't stop believing" performed by Journey and was really impressed by how high his voice was, and then, right there on the right, I see a cover by a very good singer who uses split screen and sings all the voices and instruments.
That was it.
I had found the GIFT, and I was gonna make a video.
Next thing you know, is find a title, paperwork, twitter, design title, and here we go.
A FRENCH GUY NAMED SABA celebrates life and birthdays around the world.
So when you don't know what to buy, or what to give, make something as simple as filming yourself delivering a beautiful message of love for life.
LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, and because YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.

17 years in the USA!

August 4th 1996, I came to the big apple for a 2 weeks dance workshop at the Martha Graham School. After a week, they offered a full scholarship to shape me into a Graham dancer in the hope I could join the Company. 17 years later I'm still in the USA and feel more American as time goes by.
At 24, I was already a workaholic and had achieved quite a lot in France, but here's 17 things I've achieved here.
1 - I learned English.
When I came, all I knew to say was: "One coffee please, thank you" (Read it with the thickest French accent you can imagine, and double it...).

2 - I became a Graham dancer and for five gorgeous years performed with the Martha Graham Dance Ensemble in over 30 States.

3 - As a dancer, I performed in the Pearl Lang Dance Theater, The Sophie Maslow Dance Theater and other less prestigious dance company, and that made me the dancer I am today.

4 - I became a faculty at The Martha Graham Dance School, Peridance Capezio Center, Ballet Arts, American Dance and Drama, PMT Studios, taught for 3 years at SUNY Purchase. I also offered modern dance workshop at Hotchkiss CT, UNICAMP Brazil, RYVERDANCE Mexico, Williamsport PA, among other exotic destinations.

5 - In 2001, during the biggest crisis I had experienced so far, I created the Saba Dance Theater.

6 - With my dance company, I created 5 New York Seasons, including "The Four Seasons" winner of the Best Performance in 2004 at the Bessie Awards.

Saba as the sun - THE FOUR SEASONS - 2004 Photo by Erico Narita

7 - Got my name in most major publications, including a full page in the Sunday Art section of the NYTimes, for my show called "3."

8 - From the press received in New York, I was invited by the famous photographer Lois Greenfield to do a photoshoot of my creations.

Rachel Sattler, Saba and Tomoko Muneto - 2005©Lois Greenfiled

9 - 3 of my Lois Greenfiled pictures have been used in her calendars, and even to represent her work in a NYC photo exhibition.

10 - I got a GREENCARD! Which in the words of the American immigration means that I am "Exceptionally talented." Whatever that means.

11 - In 2006 I realized I had a problem with alcohol, and joined a program of recovery, and I've been sober since March that year. This I consider my biggest achievement of all.

12 - I moved to Trenton, NJ. If you think that was easy, think again. Most people around me at the time thought I was crazy. It's been a wonderful experience.

13 - In 2010, I created Cloudy Sky Films, my own film production company.

14 - I wrote, produced, directed and starred in my first webseries: SHERRY'S KITCHEN. This felt like going to college, majoring in filmmaking, but concentrate the program of 4 years into 1.

Saba as Sherry Cordial in Sherry's Kitchen, Ep 5

15 - I joined SAG (Actors union), and am now able to make tons of money for a day's work.

16 - In 2012, I won my first 2 awards in film making for ABOUT A WEEK, a short film adapted fro the feature screenplay that, in 2013, won an award as well.

17 - In July 2013, a week before my anniversary, I complete my first feature film, SNOW. I wrote, produced, directed and starred in it, like in most of my productions.

So here you go. If you still reading, you'll know that there's no way of knowing what the future holds for you. But one thing for sure, is that what happen to me, happened, because I made it happen. Along the way, I made friends with incredible people, I lost some friends, and I lost people that I loved so much. That's life.
Thank you for these wonderful years. If you're reading this, you are a part of my life, and I love you for it.

VOLLEYGIRLS

After a very hot sweaty New York City day, I found refuge with my friend Kelley Karel, at the Premiere of "VolleyGirls"directed by Neil Patrick Stewart, (NO not the one from the Smurfs). If someone told I was going to see a musical about volley ball, I would probably have watched something on Netflix instead. But what a wrong thing it would have been.
While entering the theater, in a first come first served seating, I found a spot on the side and realized that the venue had no bad seats. Anywhere you sit in the theater, you'll get a great view of the stage.
The stage, without a curtain, was set with what looked like sport risers, a couple lockers and a referee stand. Ten of the eleven members of the cast, were on the stage, while the audience entered the theater, and they played around with each other.

 Finally it's SHOWTIME!!!!!
After a couple numbers to introduce the characters, I was already humming some of the numbers while they were singing. Very catchy tunes, performed by an excellent cast. The six main volley girls, are six unique characters and actresses. Their difference make them so lovable, that you can't wait to hear their individual story. As usual, I won't get into details, will try to remain as positive as possible.
This is a show, I could see opening on Broadway in a few months, just enough time to revisit some songs, and perhaps use some of the male characters a little more. I would have loved to see the Latina Marisol (Gerianne Pérez) interact with the Russian referee (Charles Karel) in a song about what it is like to be different. Or perhaps, tiny Stretch (Dana Steingold) give some advice to the Flo Hartline (Jennifer C. Johnson), as I believe these unlikely to be couples, could blossom on the stage and bring the production to another level.
Kim Brindell (Susan Blackwell), was good most of the time and if she had faced the audience a little more, I could have seen her other then profile. Her voice is deep and warm when she acts and talks to the girls, but her singing left me wanting more, especially when Jennifer C.Johnson delivers a stellar performance from beginning to end.
I know, it was opening night, the show is new, I'm sure there's a lot of changes that could be made, but in the end, this is a show, I recommend, and I would love to see again.
Watch out Broadway for the VolleyGirls, they gonna play it Jabali.
Go see it.

SNOW - FREE SCREENING & Trailer.

It's been a while since I've written a blog, but guess what? I've been so busy out of my mind, I even forgot I had one...
So this week alone, this is what's happening.

To celebrate the 3rd Anniversary of my film production company (Cloudy Sky Films), we've organized a FREE screening of my first feature film, SNOW.      FACEBOOK EVENT PAGE
This Sunday, June 30th at 5PM.
At the Salvatore Capezio Theater
@ Peridance Capezio Center
128 East 13th Street.
New York, NY
Why is it FREE? well, because I want to make sure the 78 actors and the 100 people behind the cameras, get a chance to see it, and not have to pay to do so. I've had to ay to see movies I was in, and didn't really like the experience...

SNOW logo

Yesterday, we also launched our three weeks Indiegogo campaign, called SNOW Film Festival Fund.
Now that we completed the feature, the next step is to secure commercial distribution, so we can start working on another project. So here is the link to our campaign, and before you decide not to look at it, et me remind you that watching it is also a FREE thing. Not to mention the "Kooky" video (To quote a friend of mine), that presents the page.

Saba in the Indiegogo Campaign Video.

The last thing I've done this week, was cut a trailer for the movie, so people can get a sample of what they'll get Sunday at the screening. SNOW Trailer HD.

In addition to all this, I'm working with my staff on preparing the event, so everyone will have a wonderful experience. As my favorite "Mommy Dearest" quote goes: "If you can't do it right! Don't do it at all..."
Love to all.

I love you!

When I first came to America in 1996, I was lucky to find an apartment in New York City. Before coming, I had never thought of ever moving to the US. I didn't even speak English. But once here, one of the things I had to do, was to go to a Mass in Harlem.
It was within my first three months living here, that I gathered the courage to go to the famous Abyssinian Baptist Church, on 136th Street. All my friends at the time told me not to go to Harlem on my own, but being me, I went.
The Mass was spectacular, though my English was very basic, I grasped everything I could of the sermons given by different people (Sorry I'm not a Church goer, so I don't know the titles).
At one point, something happened, and even though I was new to this, I got it. Everyone stood up, and placed their left hand on the person next to them. then together, we had to say: "I love you, and there's nothing you can do about it."
This was my revelation, my light, my joy.
I have since, applied my "Love your life, and Life is beautiful" motto, throughout my life. In my dance classes, I always remind people to love themselves, and to see the light.
Here is a little something I would like to share with my friends.
http://www.hiloveyou.com
Watch the video, and download the app, if you have a smartphone.
The app is basically a messaging app, that will begin all your messages with "I LOVE YOU."

I LOVE YOU - Call me!

Not sure who came up with this, or why, but what I'm sure about, is that at the end of the day we all want to be loved.
So what the video, ( https://weaselworks.wiredrive.com/present-reel/token/ec4629ce11fabfc87b2144a40524973b ) share it with your friends, and remind people how much you love them.
My dear readers, I love you and there's nothing you can do about it.
S

7 years of sobriety...

Today is one more day in the reality of sobriety. That ONE more day adds to 7 years... It freaks me a bit to think of it as so much time, as over the years I know the only way I did it, was to think of TODAY.
In a way it comforts me to know that all I have to do, is think of staying sober today only. Once tomorrow comes, I'll deal with it.
I used to drink to get into oblivion as fast as possible. It wasn't about the glamour of holding a glass of champagne, of savoring a good glass of red wine. OBLIVION was the only requirement.
My last glass black-out began gently while guests were attending my annual "Academy Award Party." After the Awards were given and the guests were gone, I was left finishing a cheap red wine in a plastic cup...
The next day was my last hangover, my last time cleaning my wino smelling apartment and my last time puking bile...

Saba as 'Speaks' in "The Sneaky Boa Brothers" -  2013

Since then, I have had a relationship with a great guy, ended the relationship, stopped teaching dance, started teaching dance...again, lost my adopted father, moved to Jersey, created a film production company, won two awards, produced, wrote, starred in many movies, and yet all I see is ONE MORE DAY.
No matter how long it has been since my last drink, and no matter what I do, I look at my sobriety as the most vulnerable and the most valuable possession I have.
TODAY, I realize that if I approach everything the way I approach my sobriety, I should get where I want to be.
They say ONE DAY AT A TIME, but if the day gets too long, I go one hour, one minute, one moment at a time.

Thank you for being a part of my sobriety and a part of my life.
Best.
Saba

2013 here I come!

2012 is over, and we survived the end of the world, hurricane Sandy, the elections and a bunch of terrible movies. Apart from a cold, I even escaped the flu...
January is always an interesting month for me, as of December 21st, the Winter solstice, the days are getting longer. The few more minutes of light we get everyday, really make me feel good. I love the fact that I wake up early and watch the sun rise every morning while doing Yoga and meditation. And since I'm a night person, I love that it gets dark by 6ish.
January 1st is always a special day of meditation for me. Where most take resolutions that they'll brake within weeks, I, for the past ten years, sit in front of a big erasing board and write my goals for the year.
The way to do it, is simple. You take a piece of paper, and on the top of it, write GOALS 2013.
Then you need to think of the things you want. For example, become famous, be rich, healthy, happy, travel, find a lover, buy a new pair of crazy expensive boots, have diner at "Le Cirque" in New York City...
The hard part, is doing it, with the belief, you can get what you want. The secret, is to want it, to know you'll get it, but you don't have to know how...
This is the most important part of it, if you want to be famous, most likely you're already some kind of artist, or doing something in your life that can get you famous, so all you have to do, is continue what you do, and believe you will be famous this year. Knowing how, would not help, it would only stress you out. Just believe it'll happen.

                                     Saba - Photo by Lois Greenfield©2005                                  Just jump, the landing will happen for sure

 

 

 

.

Every year, I do it, and every year the list grows to more goals, and on average 70% of my goals are achieved.
One advice, is to be precise. The universe (Or God as you know it) is listening, and sending you what you want. There's no limit to what you can ask.
One more thing... The list must be in a place you can and will read everyday. The goal list is a reminder of what you want, so read it and visualize the goals.
On my second year I switched from a piece of paper to an erasing white board and I added, magnets and things that I like, sort of a temple of my life.
So try it, have fun with it, the year is young and belive that all your goals can happen.
Peace and love to all.

Digital Age.

Born in the 70's, I have very few pictures of me as a child, yet I have three full albums of pictures. Back then, if you own a camera, it was made of metal, big, and often didn't have a flash.
Later, the Polaroid camera became more affordable and it came with its disposable flashes. I used to think they looked so cool.
Unfortunately, the polaroid pictures didn't look as good, and over time lost their colors. But I'm gad to have some of them, even though they turned a yellow brownish color.
Jumping ahead, we reached the digital era, fairly recently, and now a day, most people don't even own a good camera, since we can use our phones and tablets to capture, and we upload them instantly to facebook, twitter and instagram.
The last time I printed a picture I took, was about 10 years ago, when a brand new website was offering to print any digital pictures for free. Yet, I've taken thousands of pictures. Between my dance company, and my film production company, I have a ridiculous amount of digital pictures, copied five times, in five separate hard drives, just in case.

I figured blonde might be more scary for the aliens...

Recently, I realized, that if we ever lose power, and technology, the only pictures I have will be a few head-shots, and all my childhood pictures. There's something sad about that. What if???
Books are becoming digital, songs are downloaded, and all this lives in a virtual word of social networks.
Since tomorrow is the end of the world, and I'm planning to survive it (I'll be hiding all day behind the curtain of my living room, it seems the safest place to be when aliens come back to kill us all, They'll never find me there...), I am considering spending a little money to print a bunch of beautiful pictures representing my life, my friends and my loves. Making the facebook timeline, in a physical state.
Well, this might be the last blog I write, since it's for sure the end of the world tomorrow. By the way, does anyone know if the Mayans, had a specific time for it? I'd like to sleep a little longer tomorrow, since it's my day off.

Thanksgiving!

Today we're celebrating Thanksgiving all over America, and I too am grateful for many things.
Through my life, women have played a huge part in my destiny.
My mother passed when I was 5, and that changed a lot of things in my life, it made me look at things differently.
At 13, I was saved by my great best friend at the time, A.G, who supported me and encouraged me to be good for many years.
At the same age, I met my Swiss friends who played a great role in me keeping my sanity. The mother, J.L was a great influence in my somewhat good behavior over the years.
Rosella Hightower, was another woman who believed in me, when everyone else didn't. She took me in her company, as a dancer, and through painful teaching and endless guidance, allowed me to dance.

Her daughter, Money Robier, was also extremely supportive of my acting and performance in general.
The next woman, is Martha Graham. Though I never met her, she built the bridge, that brought me to America. It is because of Martha, that I left my life in the French Riviera, and pursued an international dance career.
Once in New York, and dancing, the next woman that changed things around was, Jacqueline Chambord. Madame Chambord, was the one who trusted me as a choreographer and allowed my company, Saba Dance Theater, to perform for several years at the French Institute Alliance Francaise. She also dedicated two full pages in her book, Manhattan Rendez-vous, to my company.

http://www.amazon.com/Manhattan-rendez-vous-French-Edition/dp/235593102X/ref=sr_1_sc_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1353620244&sr=1-1-spell&keywords=manhatta+rendez-vous

The next person, is not a woman, and is and has been my closest friend, mentor and teacher. Bill Hopkins, has shown me, love, patience, guidance, support in every project I bring to the table.
Bill, was introduced to me by my dear Italian friend B.A. So thank you B.
In addition to these persons, I am eternally grateful to the hundreds of students, who never give up and never surrender to laziness and fear, and who continue to take my classes around the world.
Yes, I am grateful to all the persons above, and of course my close friends, who in a daily basis, from New York to the French Riviera, to Lausanne and Mexico City, I thank you all my friends, for listening to me, guiding me, supporting me along my life.
I love you and there's nothing you can do about it.

Sandy!

Two weeks after hurricane Sandy hit, I'm finally ready to talk about it. On that crazy windy Monday, October 29th, I was enjoying the warmth of my living room, watching Harry Potter 5 in blue ray, gift received for my birthday by my roommate (Keith). Midway through the movie, around 7.30PM, the power went out.
Darkness, filled the house and after lighting a few candles, Keith and I sat on the sun room.
Outside, the last rays of sunlight, quickly disappeared behind the horizon, to leave nothing but a black canvas. After chit and chatting for a while, I decided to go out and explore a bit.
Dressed in an orange raincoat, covering my body all the way to my knees, I was finally ready to face Sandy. As I walked in my street, I realized that, though the wind was extremely violent, very little rain was falling. Already branches and leaves were covering the streets and sidewalks. Around the corner, a few houses down the street, a large tree had fallen and destroyed the power line and blocked the access of the street.

Once home, we noticed blue lights coming from all around the neighborhood. At least five power lines exploded, in a beautiful blue light. It reminded me of "War of the Wolrds...." This called for an early night, as I was tired anyway.
Waking up around 6.30AM, did my meditation and yoga in the sun room. The sun light began to show around 7AM and allowed me to go out. The rain had stopped, still no power and I realized no heat.
In the street, I began to gather sticks and such to burn in our fireplace. The day went on, like gatherer. We ate the food from the fridge first and got ready for bed.
Until Friday night when the power returned, my mornings were outside, gathering wood, then inside reading a little and minding the fire.
I even painted a a canvas I had for a while, and will be a great gift for one of my friend's upcoming birthday.
During the whole week, no news, no music, no phone, no facebook, no transportation, and no access to fresh food. We had water, but had to be boiled. Hot water was available, but potentially soiled.
As I think about that week,  what I missed the most was LIGHT. All that time, and not able to read more then a couple hours, because the flashlight ended up being hurtful for my eyes.
No light to paint, write, clean, fix, cook....Darkness.
All this time I thought of Shakespeare and Molière, and many more who wrote by candlelight. What kind of candles did they have? I want those...Because mine were not strong enough.
As power was restored, I returned to TV and Facebook, and apart from personal stories, I read on my friends feeds, I did not know anything about what had happened. If you were home that week, with power and heat, you probably watched the news, and saw the devastation of Sandy, over and over, replaying the most sensational images available. Like the New York FDR totally flooded, or the floating houses near the Jersey shores, or the drowning cars, broken trees, burning houses....
Well, I haven't seen anything of it, and still today, I randomly find clips on youtube of the damage Sandy left us with.
One thing for sure, I'm getting a solar panel iphone charger, and a powerful battery operated lantern, for next hurricane.
Hope you were all safe and healthy.
Love.

My Birthday!

Every year in October, I begin to feel a bit blue. Nothing dramatic really, but I just feel a lack. This year I finally came around why. Born on October 26th 1972, I can remember only a few times my birth was celebrated.
The first time I was 3, and it is the only time I recall while my mother was alive, as she passed when I was 5. Another birthday that counted, was my 15th, when my good friend Alex took me for the first time to a Chinese restaurant and threw a party that was memorable.
My 20th celebration takes a big place in my life, but only for the wrong reasons. My reel father had a party for me that was just the wrong party, and it was also the last birthday I celebrated before I came out. For my 36th celebration, I was at the Petrossi's (Dear friends of mine), in Biot, South of France, and that was the last time I saw my adopted father cheerful and alive, as he passed the following June.

My dance students surprised me at the end of the class, with chocolate cupcakes and a glittering top hat. FUN! <3

As I sum up the events around my birthday, and throughout my life, I understand why I become apprehensive.
But this year, I turned 40, and it's about time I let go. From now on, I will celebrate my birthday and treat myself. I will cherish my life and my many friends who once again this year, have showed me their love and support for days before and after my actual birthday.
To me, the number doesn't matter, as I feel great and luckily I don't feel a physical change. Celebrating life has been my motto since 2001, and I will continue to practice it, in my everyday life.
Thanks for reading. Love is the only thing to heal the wounds of the world.

2 shows by David Friedman.

For the past two years, my dear friends Chrissie and Chuck talked to me about David Friedman. A year ago for my birthday, they gave me "The Thought Exchange" book by David Friedman and every week, I subscribe to a newsletter on how to make your life better by applying the "Thought Exchange."
David Friedman is a very talented man, who writes and composes music and songs for many celebrities, and for himself. At the moment, his name is associated with the Broadway show "Scandalous," and the live performance of David Friedman singing at 54 Bellow.
Last Friday evening, I attended the preview show of "Scandalous," and was entertained. Although the show is very educational, it tends to be too much educational. Based on the true story of a famous woman, preaching in the 20's each song is written to tell you more about her journey. The star of the show is onstage the whole time and if this show goes on, the singer will not. The staging abuses the star singer while barely use the great ensemble of dancers/singers.
If you're not into religion, you might be turned off by the whole thing and I'm not really sure what the moral of the play supposed to be. However, being it's still in previews, the show you will see, might be a totally different show, so go and judge for yourself.
Regarding last night performance of David Friedman singing his own songs, the sensations were more honest and intense.
Mister Friedman is a man who knows how to talk to an audience, and throughout his stories and songs, manages to bring out the demons sleeping inside you.
Not my favorite singer in the whole world, but the man can write gorgeous songs. In fact, each song carry a strong message of hope, love and understanding.
His show will be once again at 54 Bellow, next Monday and is the perfect NYC Cabaret experience.
As a singer myself, I felt extremely close to the songs and could picture myself singing them.
All I wish for David Friedman is to have his own Broadway show in the near future, where HE can actually control what goes onstage.