Digital Age.

Born in the 70's, I have very few pictures of me as a child, yet I have three full albums of pictures. Back then, if you own a camera, it was made of metal, big, and often didn't have a flash.
Later, the Polaroid camera became more affordable and it came with its disposable flashes. I used to think they looked so cool.
Unfortunately, the polaroid pictures didn't look as good, and over time lost their colors. But I'm gad to have some of them, even though they turned a yellow brownish color.
Jumping ahead, we reached the digital era, fairly recently, and now a day, most people don't even own a good camera, since we can use our phones and tablets to capture, and we upload them instantly to facebook, twitter and instagram.
The last time I printed a picture I took, was about 10 years ago, when a brand new website was offering to print any digital pictures for free. Yet, I've taken thousands of pictures. Between my dance company, and my film production company, I have a ridiculous amount of digital pictures, copied five times, in five separate hard drives, just in case.

I figured blonde might be more scary for the aliens...

Recently, I realized, that if we ever lose power, and technology, the only pictures I have will be a few head-shots, and all my childhood pictures. There's something sad about that. What if???
Books are becoming digital, songs are downloaded, and all this lives in a virtual word of social networks.
Since tomorrow is the end of the world, and I'm planning to survive it (I'll be hiding all day behind the curtain of my living room, it seems the safest place to be when aliens come back to kill us all, They'll never find me there...), I am considering spending a little money to print a bunch of beautiful pictures representing my life, my friends and my loves. Making the facebook timeline, in a physical state.
Well, this might be the last blog I write, since it's for sure the end of the world tomorrow. By the way, does anyone know if the Mayans, had a specific time for it? I'd like to sleep a little longer tomorrow, since it's my day off.

Thanksgiving!

Today we're celebrating Thanksgiving all over America, and I too am grateful for many things.
Through my life, women have played a huge part in my destiny.
My mother passed when I was 5, and that changed a lot of things in my life, it made me look at things differently.
At 13, I was saved by my great best friend at the time, A.G, who supported me and encouraged me to be good for many years.
At the same age, I met my Swiss friends who played a great role in me keeping my sanity. The mother, J.L was a great influence in my somewhat good behavior over the years.
Rosella Hightower, was another woman who believed in me, when everyone else didn't. She took me in her company, as a dancer, and through painful teaching and endless guidance, allowed me to dance.

Her daughter, Money Robier, was also extremely supportive of my acting and performance in general.
The next woman, is Martha Graham. Though I never met her, she built the bridge, that brought me to America. It is because of Martha, that I left my life in the French Riviera, and pursued an international dance career.
Once in New York, and dancing, the next woman that changed things around was, Jacqueline Chambord. Madame Chambord, was the one who trusted me as a choreographer and allowed my company, Saba Dance Theater, to perform for several years at the French Institute Alliance Francaise. She also dedicated two full pages in her book, Manhattan Rendez-vous, to my company.

http://www.amazon.com/Manhattan-rendez-vous-French-Edition/dp/235593102X/ref=sr_1_sc_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1353620244&sr=1-1-spell&keywords=manhatta+rendez-vous

The next person, is not a woman, and is and has been my closest friend, mentor and teacher. Bill Hopkins, has shown me, love, patience, guidance, support in every project I bring to the table.
Bill, was introduced to me by my dear Italian friend B.A. So thank you B.
In addition to these persons, I am eternally grateful to the hundreds of students, who never give up and never surrender to laziness and fear, and who continue to take my classes around the world.
Yes, I am grateful to all the persons above, and of course my close friends, who in a daily basis, from New York to the French Riviera, to Lausanne and Mexico City, I thank you all my friends, for listening to me, guiding me, supporting me along my life.
I love you and there's nothing you can do about it.

Sandy!

Two weeks after hurricane Sandy hit, I'm finally ready to talk about it. On that crazy windy Monday, October 29th, I was enjoying the warmth of my living room, watching Harry Potter 5 in blue ray, gift received for my birthday by my roommate (Keith). Midway through the movie, around 7.30PM, the power went out.
Darkness, filled the house and after lighting a few candles, Keith and I sat on the sun room.
Outside, the last rays of sunlight, quickly disappeared behind the horizon, to leave nothing but a black canvas. After chit and chatting for a while, I decided to go out and explore a bit.
Dressed in an orange raincoat, covering my body all the way to my knees, I was finally ready to face Sandy. As I walked in my street, I realized that, though the wind was extremely violent, very little rain was falling. Already branches and leaves were covering the streets and sidewalks. Around the corner, a few houses down the street, a large tree had fallen and destroyed the power line and blocked the access of the street.

Once home, we noticed blue lights coming from all around the neighborhood. At least five power lines exploded, in a beautiful blue light. It reminded me of "War of the Wolrds...." This called for an early night, as I was tired anyway.
Waking up around 6.30AM, did my meditation and yoga in the sun room. The sun light began to show around 7AM and allowed me to go out. The rain had stopped, still no power and I realized no heat.
In the street, I began to gather sticks and such to burn in our fireplace. The day went on, like gatherer. We ate the food from the fridge first and got ready for bed.
Until Friday night when the power returned, my mornings were outside, gathering wood, then inside reading a little and minding the fire.
I even painted a a canvas I had for a while, and will be a great gift for one of my friend's upcoming birthday.
During the whole week, no news, no music, no phone, no facebook, no transportation, and no access to fresh food. We had water, but had to be boiled. Hot water was available, but potentially soiled.
As I think about that week,  what I missed the most was LIGHT. All that time, and not able to read more then a couple hours, because the flashlight ended up being hurtful for my eyes.
No light to paint, write, clean, fix, cook....Darkness.
All this time I thought of Shakespeare and Molière, and many more who wrote by candlelight. What kind of candles did they have? I want those...Because mine were not strong enough.
As power was restored, I returned to TV and Facebook, and apart from personal stories, I read on my friends feeds, I did not know anything about what had happened. If you were home that week, with power and heat, you probably watched the news, and saw the devastation of Sandy, over and over, replaying the most sensational images available. Like the New York FDR totally flooded, or the floating houses near the Jersey shores, or the drowning cars, broken trees, burning houses....
Well, I haven't seen anything of it, and still today, I randomly find clips on youtube of the damage Sandy left us with.
One thing for sure, I'm getting a solar panel iphone charger, and a powerful battery operated lantern, for next hurricane.
Hope you were all safe and healthy.
Love.

My Birthday!

Every year in October, I begin to feel a bit blue. Nothing dramatic really, but I just feel a lack. This year I finally came around why. Born on October 26th 1972, I can remember only a few times my birth was celebrated.
The first time I was 3, and it is the only time I recall while my mother was alive, as she passed when I was 5. Another birthday that counted, was my 15th, when my good friend Alex took me for the first time to a Chinese restaurant and threw a party that was memorable.
My 20th celebration takes a big place in my life, but only for the wrong reasons. My reel father had a party for me that was just the wrong party, and it was also the last birthday I celebrated before I came out. For my 36th celebration, I was at the Petrossi's (Dear friends of mine), in Biot, South of France, and that was the last time I saw my adopted father cheerful and alive, as he passed the following June.

My dance students surprised me at the end of the class, with chocolate cupcakes and a glittering top hat. FUN! <3

As I sum up the events around my birthday, and throughout my life, I understand why I become apprehensive.
But this year, I turned 40, and it's about time I let go. From now on, I will celebrate my birthday and treat myself. I will cherish my life and my many friends who once again this year, have showed me their love and support for days before and after my actual birthday.
To me, the number doesn't matter, as I feel great and luckily I don't feel a physical change. Celebrating life has been my motto since 2001, and I will continue to practice it, in my everyday life.
Thanks for reading. Love is the only thing to heal the wounds of the world.

2 shows by David Friedman.

For the past two years, my dear friends Chrissie and Chuck talked to me about David Friedman. A year ago for my birthday, they gave me "The Thought Exchange" book by David Friedman and every week, I subscribe to a newsletter on how to make your life better by applying the "Thought Exchange."
David Friedman is a very talented man, who writes and composes music and songs for many celebrities, and for himself. At the moment, his name is associated with the Broadway show "Scandalous," and the live performance of David Friedman singing at 54 Bellow.
Last Friday evening, I attended the preview show of "Scandalous," and was entertained. Although the show is very educational, it tends to be too much educational. Based on the true story of a famous woman, preaching in the 20's each song is written to tell you more about her journey. The star of the show is onstage the whole time and if this show goes on, the singer will not. The staging abuses the star singer while barely use the great ensemble of dancers/singers.
If you're not into religion, you might be turned off by the whole thing and I'm not really sure what the moral of the play supposed to be. However, being it's still in previews, the show you will see, might be a totally different show, so go and judge for yourself.
Regarding last night performance of David Friedman singing his own songs, the sensations were more honest and intense.
Mister Friedman is a man who knows how to talk to an audience, and throughout his stories and songs, manages to bring out the demons sleeping inside you.
Not my favorite singer in the whole world, but the man can write gorgeous songs. In fact, each song carry a strong message of hope, love and understanding.
His show will be once again at 54 Bellow, next Monday and is the perfect NYC Cabaret experience.
As a singer myself, I felt extremely close to the songs and could picture myself singing them.
All I wish for David Friedman is to have his own Broadway show in the near future, where HE can actually control what goes onstage.

"Sleep No More" - Great show in NYC!

Last night, I had an incredible time. I lived for a few hours with my sensations. 
One of my friend, Benjamin Thys, invited me to the show he's in at the moment. "Sleep No More".
The show is held inside a hotel, and works the "haunted houses" work. As you enter, you surrender your bags and jackets and you are sent on your own along the dark hallways and rooms of the five floor building.
At first, I was held in a bar, set in the 30's, until a group of us, was directed to get inside the elevator. From then on, I was on my own and absolutely adored every second of it. The instructions are simple, you wear your mask the entire time, and you do not talk, even if talked to. Ben, had given me some idea of where to find him throughout the play, and off I went to the main ballroom. There he was, with a few other actors (Not wearing masks, so you know who to watch), dancing around the room.

Me at SLEEP NO MORE . No pictures allowed, so I took one of myself in the bathroom.

Once done with the scene, change of lights and off the actors went about the rest of their duty.
Walking in very theatrical rooms, with smoke and music, is quite perfect to loose yourself in your own thoughts. Just in time, your thinking is interrupted by an actor/dancer performing a new section of the play. Based on Macbeth, even if you don't know the story, you will be bathed and guided through betrayals, lies, love affairs and revenge.
My suggestion is to go on your own, or with someone that understand the concept and will let you experience "Sleep No More", the way it's meant to be.
The mask alone, gives you an anonymity, that will encourage you to be selfish and do and go about your own desire.

Inside the bar, before I was told not to take pictures.

Check it out, and bring friends, as you can always meet every hour in the main bar....If you find it...

Drag!!!

Back in 2006, I was cast in an off-Broadway parody of "A CHorus Line". I was playing Cassie, but sice it was a parody, I was playing Sherry. And that's how my drag character Sherry Cordial was born.
Following the success of that show, I appeared in a yearly fundraiser as Sherry. I wouldn't call myself a Drag Queen, as I do it really once a year for that same event, and it allows me to reconnect with old friends like Conchita, my favorite Latina ever.

Conchita and Sherry Cordial. Oct 2012.

I should say, that the reason I have been doing it, apart from the fact that it's an excellent cause. All the proceeds of the show go to help alcoholics and addicts in recovery. We've been known to raise close to 40 grands in one night... But really the reason I do it, is because I miss performing on stage. Acting in movies is the greatest thing in my life, but the buzz I get from performing live is unique.

Yesterday, was the show, and my number was a mix of things. It began with Maria Callas in "Lakme", going to Cher with "Take me home", cutting to "All that Jazz" from Miss Rivera, a little Cabaret with "Mein Heir", a pinch of Bjork, to honor my dearest Honey LaBronx, and back to Callas, to make sure people know what a Diva Sherry is.... The whole thing was fun to perform, I had three outfits and two wigs...Bit crazy, but very me. This is who I am. I am a complexed performer and always push my limits.
Though performing was extremely fun, and meeting a bunch of new talented and young Drag Queens was equally thrilling, I've decided to not do this show again.
Lots of things can happen, and I might do it again of course, BUT, I feel that I should be performing as a guy. I am talented, I can sing, dance and act, and the stage is my place to be.
Now I have to visualize myself in a Broadway show, singing and dancing as a dude.
As I always say, if you don't do what you love, don't do it.
<3

Spirituality!

You know how people say to single people, like me, to not look for love and it'll hit you at the most unexpected place.... Well, I don't know if it's love, but it was a great date.
Last Saturday night, I was invited by my good friend Maher to a spiritual concert of KrishnaDas.

Mister Das in the red shirt.

I knew the name as I have some of his cds that I use in my dance class, but I had no idea who he was or what he looked like. When we arrived at the place, we were met by two friends of Maher, Joe and Russell. I had met Russell, years ago when we worked with Maher and the Hummingbirds project, but I didn't really remembered Russell.
However, he remembered me and after a few flirtatious words, we touched each others' hand, and back and neck, and we kissed.
The combination of this intense feelings and the music by Mister Das, brought me to a place, I haven't been in years. It was nice to have someone to hold and feel for.
Das, reminds me of a slightly younger and/or in better shape Bruce Springsteen. Nothing I had imagined.
In the past, everytime I went to a spiritual retreat, where someone was chanting, they wore turbans and long beards, but not Das, he is just a regular dude, who sings the most beautiful chants.
At the end of the night, Russell and I kissed strongly...to say goodbye, and decided to see each other again.
That night was full of surprises and I'm looking forward to meet Russell again, even if it's for one night...

Acting!

Last weekend, I was working on the set on "Je T'aime, Jean", a short movie written by my friends Kerry and Joshua. In it I was playing a "chanteuse", a guy in drag singing french songs...
Cool role, but that's it, I have to be strong. From now on, unless it's a big role in Hollywood, I won't play drag roles.
In the past few years, I was lucky enough to be in many movies, and aside from playing a woman in Sherry's Kitchen, I never wanted to be associated with the actor who plays girls.
Enough with the tights and heels.
So that's that....
Now on the other hand, Saturday I was in a French movie, CHINESE PUZZLE, with Audrey Tautou and Romain Duris.

On the set of Chinese Puzzle.

My scene was with Romain, and all day I kept thinking, this is awesome and I can do this all day, and every day.
Yesterday I was called for a second day, shooting tomorrow, and from what I was told: "The Director (Cédric Klapish), has handpicked a few of you for a new scene."
Well, whatever that means, it makes me feel good. If anything, It's a paid gig, so I'm happy to make money, but it's truly not why I act.
Acting is my escape. It's me pretending to be someone else, and as I study the characters I play, I gently and slowly understand myself.
I'm ready for more.

Password in my will?

2012, is for sure a year of technology for me, from the iPhone, to iPad, Pinterest, Facebook, Twitter and all the other social networks. Nowadays everyone ask me to log in, create a page and BAM! It's a new password. Of course I could do like an old friend of mine and use the same password for every site, but I guess I'm a bit paranoid and have managed to create new passwords for almost everything.
Now I have my cheat list at home, just in case I don't remember one, and even if I gave it to you, there's now way you could find the relationship. For example, let's say the password is BALEINESEAGUL44. I would write as a hint PinnocchioBird88...
Don't ask me why! Call me twisted, that's how my mind works.

The thing is this, I think I'm gonna die every single day of my life, it's not a dark thing, it's just a carpe diem type of thing. So I was thinking, what will happen to all these pages and profiles I have everywhere? Who's gonna delete them, or at least say that I'm dead? Shall I put a list of my passwords in my will?
I think, one of you who reads this and who's looking to make some money, should create PASSWORD.com.
It would be a site where, you record all your login names and passwords, in a coded system, that could only be released once the family provides a death certificate. That way, you could choose someone to delete all your pages and things you don't want to leave on the internet forever. Like this blog for example.
Well, that's it for today, like me on facebook, follow me on twitter, share me on pinterest, and subscribe to my blog...This blog...Are you still reading?

NYC!

This morning, as I walked out of Acupuncture, I looked up and reminded myself how lucky I am to be in New York City...
As a child, raised in the South of France, New York was first and foremost "King Kong", and Woody Allen's "Manhattan". Heavy flows of cars and people, licking the grey feet of the tallest skyscrapers of the world.

The Ansonia, on the upper West side.

But after over 16 years in NYC, rare are the times where I actually look up and admire the elaborate and ambitious architecture.
When I go to Paris, I know I will find the same city I was in, 10 years ago. Even new constructions in France must be approved and follow a list of regulations that will discourage even the most creative architect. You need a permit to repaint your own door, to ensure you choose the color that matches your neighbor's house.
Here in NYC, no such things occur. Is it good? Or, is it bad? Not my place to say, but I can say that if NYC is so amazingly eclectic, it comes from the fact that everyone can do what they want.
You can have lunch inside a landmark building, while looking at a glass made building across the street. But that's what makes New York City so rich, and that's why we should look up and around us. Walk about the streets and see something new everyday.
If you don't do what you love, don't do it.

Smoking!

Born and raised in France, many of my memories are surrounded by smoke. Most people smoked around me, especially growing up in the 70's. It was 1982, when I smoked my first cigarette, and I was 10 years old. By 11, I was buying my own packs that I would keep hidden somewhere in town, with a lighter and a tube of toothpaste. By 17, I was smoking one pack a day, and at 21, when I actually stopped smoking, I was at 2 packs a day... How I did it? I don't know, but when you smoke, it seems every occasion is good to light up.
With my experience in smoking, and all the various plans I had to come up to get cigarettes as a teenager, I still got shocked, when a gorgeous 14 year old girl, grabbed an half smoked cigarette from the gutter and lit it with pride, as if to impress me.
For a few minutes I couldn't help thinking how sad this was, but eventually I remembered doing the same thing. I forget that I was raised in a small town and to see the same pattern in a city like New York, seems strange to me. What is it with smoking that can be so appealing? Even today, I can't really understand why I love it... I don't smoke anymore, except maybe once in a while, but if I knew it was not hazardous for my health, I would do it everyday.
The reason it is challenging for a smoker to stop, is because the effects on the body are slow and not as dramatic as if you start drugs or alcohol, where you get an instant buzz. Cigarettes are gently transforming your immune system, and most of it is irreversible, so smoking or non-smoking? I would say non-smoking for a better future.

Tea and a show!

Today I traveled the world from China to France, and from New York City to Beirut!
My friend, Kerry Vaughn Miller, invited me to the Premiere of a show she's been directing for the past few weeks (From September 12th to the 29th). "Beirut", written by Alan Bowne, is a play about the AIDS epidemic at its early stage. When people didn't know how to handle it, both physically and mentally. No one knew how one could contract the virus, and how fast it would take over.
Luckily in the play, nothing is visually disgusting about it, and in fact, the show is a relief to the eyes. Both actors, Lynn Sher (Blue), and Esteban Benito (Torch), spend most of their time in their underwear attached to one another. The opening of the show was quite beautiful, as together with Torch, we slowly discover the small stage meant to represent a quarantine bedroom. Even though the writing is quite heavy at times, the two lead actors managed to carry the characters in a believable performance. Not sure about the accents they used, but I got used to them after a while. 
One thing you can do to help, if you can't attend any of the shows in the next two weeks, you may vote for them at www.nyitawards.com and choose Beirut.
Before the show, I spent a few hours enjoying a "Dragon Pearl Jasmine Tea" from "Physical GraffiTea".

 Ilana, the owner and tea mistress, will tell you all about her teas and what should be used when and for what. The Dragon Pearl and I go way back when 10 years ago I discovered it at the headquarters of Harney and Sons in CT.

 Okay, it's a tiny place on 8th Street between 1st and Avenue A, and can seat up to 10 persons I think, but as you go see my friends show next door, a cup of tea is a must.

Sunday morning!

For most of America, the early Sunday morning is sleeping, hangover, and church. For me, it's riding to NYC before 9AM to beat traffic, work on various projects on my computer, teach at 1PM, and usually return home mid-afternoon.
Today, I left Trenton at 6.57AM and had a peaceful ride on the turnpike. No traffic, cool weather and enough clouds to cover the usually blinding morning sun.
Got to NYC at 8.08 and got a hair cut at the Astor Place salon, and went to park the bike at Peridance.

I need to buy a book for my speech class, so I decided to check the Strand (Closed, but will open at 9.30AM) and Barbes & Noble (Closed as well, opens at 10AM everyday...). Okay, so I knew Max Brenner would open at 9 and I thought it would be the perfect place to wait for the Strand to open, while enjoying a hot chocolate.
As I wondered Union Square park, and the streets around, I was surprised by the amount of homeless people I saw. At first, it was one guy here, and another there, but as I crossed the park, every other bench had been a 5 stars bed for a homeless.
Further in the walk, I noticed a couple of cops talking to a man, in his underwear (Not the naked cowboy though...), and surrounded by three carts full of highly treasured possessions. A few steps away, another place arranged to accommodate a guy, two girls and a dog...Poor dog!
By now I was not counting anymore, but by memory, I would say that on a four blocks radius, I saw at least 30 homeless people. You might say, how do I know they were homeless? Apart from the filth covering their skin and the untidy hair-dos, large bags on their shoulders, and winter coats used as mattresses, many of them had signs asking for money. "Will do anything for money"...
I almost suggested to work, but they were sleeping so deep, I didn't want to disturb.
All, this, makes me realize even more, that, I might not make millions of dollars yet, but at least I can afford a hot chocolate and a cookie at Max Brenner (Almost $12...).

Is being homeless a choice? How does one become homeless? And to me the most important part, is I get the fact that you may loose your apartment, your job, your lover, but as long as you can walk around and work, I don't see how one would choose to stay homeless. Well, I can pray for them, and hope to never have to experience this.

Comfort and Immune system.

Sitting in a comfortable armchair, reading a great book, while playing some of my favorite songs, enjoying the plants that surround the sun room...That is what I would love to do now...
Unfortunately, since I've been working with my own film company, all I read, are scripts, I seat in uncomfortable coffee shop stools, I'm forced to listen to dreadful music, in the most obnoxious environment...
However, when I look at my life, I do see beautiful things. This year I accepted a job as a writer for Luludi Living Frame. I did study horticulture for 8 years, but that was 18 years ago, and suddenly being asked to write about gardening, plants, Feng Shui and interior design, has been a huge task and challenge. But today, I write my four postings a day and don't even struggle about it. When I began writing for the company, I spent hours online researching things I had forgotten, but my brain seems to retrieve all the things I learned and makes it easier, as each day passes.

Tuesday, I was helping at LULUDI, and as I was touching the soil of a composition I was creating, I realized that rare were the times I actually touched soil in the past 20 years. After I graduated from my last year of university, I spent my days dancing for years at a time and apart from planting flowers in Farmville, I haven't touched soil all that time.
Touching the ground, soil, earth, is probably the most healthy way to build up your immune system. Better then a vaccine, re-potting plants and trees, will contribute to a stronger health. Since my schedule doesn't allow me to take a lot of time off, I will plant compositions, any chance I get, to remind me that we are dust, and to dust we will return. 
Drink water and plant trees.
S

Friends...

The word "friend" is misused constantly in our society. Ever since Facebook, I feel that friends are sort of a collection, and out of the over 900 friends I have, only few do I actually talk to and see on a regular basis.
A friend to me, is someone who I can ask anything, and we will figure out the answers together. Someone to get love, and support and criticisms, share moments, precious moments. Every so often, I feel like deleting certain people from my FB profile, but then I realize it wouldn't be nice to do so.
My roommate, Keith.R, is probably my closest friend. He's always supporting me, encouraging me, listening, helping and yet never really complains. It amazes me how generous and patient he is with me. Like this morning, when I told him that I needed him to photograph me in three different outfits for a casting. No problems...

I'm not an easy person to be with, I'm eccentric, exotic and different (I'm told...). At times, I can be needy and there's one thing about me that no one can miss, is that I speak my mind. Sometimes too fast, but I've gotta get it out...
Bill H, is of course another friend. He's also my mentor, teacher and partner in many projects. If it wasn't for Bill encouraging me in my acting, writing and directing, I would have gone back to France in 2007. But because he pushed me and showed me I could act, I'm still around and today I'm the director of a film company (Cloudy Sky Films). Week after week, Bill shows me through his passion for the business, that I can continue to do what I love.
Back in the "Saba Dance Theater" years, I met Lynn N., a dance student of mine, who was also a board member of the company, to eventually become a friend that still encourages me every week, takes my dance classes, and even assists me in every project I create with Cloudy Sky Films.
For the past two years, since I created the company, and made "Sherry's Kitchen", two persons became very close to me. More like cousins then parents, Chrissie and Chuck, are a very strong presence in my life. I know that I can present anything to them, and they will be game.
It's interesting, to know that any of these people, would jump out of bed to help me at any time of the day or night. They've grown to fill a huge space in my heart.
In addition to these friends, I have another dozen, that I love and feel strongly about, but over all, most of the people I know are more contacts than friends. I wish Facebook would change the word friend with "Contact", because I can tell you that some of the friends I have on FB, don't even know my phone number, where I live, what I like, and what I really look like.
Once again, I want to count my blessings and thank these people, who on a daily basis are encouraging me, loving me, pushing me and going with me along my crazy journey.
Thank you my friends.
Merci mes amis.
S

Doing my job!

Tuesday, I spent the entire day casting for the new short I'm producing, "Je T'aime, Jean". A script by my friend Kerry Vaughn Miller. It took Kerry, Grace and I, over two weeks of deliberations, to choose the 52 actors who auditioned for us, out of the 2000 submissions we had. All day I was amazed by the amount of talent we were seeing, but now and then... Someone would show up, without a headshot and resume, not really prepared for the role they were auditioning for, and I couldn't help wondering: "What the fudge are they thinking???"
Wednesday, I was at the pharmacy, because my left ear was clogged, and though I explained that to the two women "helping" me, they totally ignored me and directed me in a vague direction in the store. Luckily for me, I can read and found my drops.  Later during the day, I went to the bank to deposit a couple checks, and I knew the clerk always asks me if I want my balance, but not this time... No this time, I wanted my balance, but wasn't asked...
Thursday, I went to an audition for a voice over, and sat for 90 minutes waiting for the casting director to show up. No sign on the door, no one asked me what I wanted, I just waited, and auditioned when she was ready.
That's when I realized, once again, how much we take everything for granted. All these people have jobs they don't like, because "They're so much above it...", and they all want to be a star, being discovered while being unpleasant working at the pharmacy. But my motto is that if you don't like what you do...DON'T DO IT!!! They are ways to make your life better.
In the meantime, while I'm pursuing my career and would rather be acting all day for Spielberg and Scorsese,  I still make my own movies, and I work hours long on paperwork, and marketing, and writing, but at least it is a step closer to what I really want to do.
Chocolate is the little treat I allow myself to have when I'm down, because it makes me feel warm and special. Chocolate gives me strength to continue the work I don't want to do...
If you're in NYC, you should try The City Bakery on 18th Street and 5th Ave.
PURE DECADENCE!!!

White chocolate chunk, chocolate cookie, and a classic hot chocolate.

Today, I'm counting my blessings, and will not take things for granted. I will try at least.

A Sunday celebration.

After teaching my dance class on Sunday afternoon, I was supposed to meet my friends Chissie and Chuck to go to a cabaret show, but I had a three hours gap. While waiting for them, I sat at "Patisserie Claude" in the west village and enjoyed a "Mille-Feuilles" (Napolean) and a chocolate eclair...Pure decadence, but good for the soul.
I worked on my script for two hours and time went by like eating chocolate. Very fast...
At 6PM I met my friends at THE DUPLEX, and we chatted while waiting for the show to begin.
To my great surprise, a larger then life drag queen showed up on stage, after being introduced as Rev.Yolanda.
Her repertoire, was stunningly funny and profound at the same time. From Gospel classic like "Let it shine" to her own compositions, Rev. Yolanda sustain joy and hope throughout her show. She brought tears with her song, when the chorus was sang (We're angels struggling as human).
Her shows will resume in the fall, and I highly recommend you to go.
Meeting the man behind Yolanda, was equally moving, as Rev. Yolanda is not far from Roger Anthony Mapes. It takes a sensitive and honest person to play one onstage, and Yolanda is all that.
Thanks Chrissie and Chuck for letting me know about this beautiful performer.

Dating in NYC!!!

On Wednesday, last week, I had a date with a a guy I met online. For a few YEARS now, I've had a profile on a dating website, and been meeting potential partners...Not very successful, I must admit, except for the one boyfriend I met in January 2006 and stayed with for 9 months.

Anyway, for two weeks, while on my trip, I emailed back and forth with John (Not his real name, but who cares anyway...). John and I had everything in common and seemed like we could have been soul-mates. So, Wednesday we met for dinner, and after a long conversation, John said, that maybe, all that would come out of this meeting would be a friendship. At first I thought, sure! Why not? But a few hours later, I thought, NO WAY! I wasn't looking for another Facebook friend that ignores me after a week. I replied to John that I rather nip it, and wished him good luck. I joined this dating website to find a lover, and I will.
The next day, after working with Bill Hopkins again, I decided to go to a Leather Bar that is only two blocks from Bill's studio. I don't have to say the name as there's really only leather bar left in NYC.
I arrived around 10.30PM and really thought I was gonna leave ASAP. But, something told me to hang out, and I did. Around Midnight, some cute people showed up, and that was entertaining, good for the eyes...
Soon enough, a guy approached me and was ready to do anything for me, but not into him, told him I wasn't sure what I was looking for. Luckily, an almost naked man was walking about, and who but my ex-boyfriend, smiling around. It was nice to chat with him, and he actually introduced me to a cutie, but nothing happened that night.
Mainly because, I don't have a place to host, so I'm looking for a date, and not a one night thing.
The last time I was in a leather bar was in 2004, and I hated it. I look at all these men, and know we all hope to find some love, yet, we're too embarrassed to admit it, and we end up looking at each other and hope the other one will talk first. Man that sucks.
I will return, and talk first. I must get out of my comfort zone.

Back home.

As usual, when I'm home, I stepped on my Wii Fit, and now in my 7th week of the LiveStrong program, I have officially lost over 12lbs. I've been feeling a lot better and honestly, I know I was never really overweight, but I was unhappy. It's quite strange how only 12 lbs can change in the body. I had at least three pairs of pants I couldn't wear for years, and now, all back in use.
Of course now, it motivated me to perhaps work out and get a bit stronger, but as a vegetarian, it'll be challenging to put on muscle, but I can take a challenge.
Dating should be easier, as it is all about confidence and courage, but don't know where to go or where to look.

New York is surely large enough for me to find my love, and I am willing to be loved, and love in return. That means, I need to take steps to meet people, mingle and perhaps have some fun as well.

As I walk around NYC, I'm always amazed by the diversity of people, and yet, I've been single for 6 years now. I've gotta change this. He is out there, I just have to find him and him find me.
S

My trip - Days 11 & 12

After a fabulous last night in Hudson, OH, I left in the morning for Niagara Falls. In 16 years I've been in the US, I've been wanting to go every year and never made it happen. The road to it, was beautiful, even when I went through a one cloud rain for about 3 minutes...Really weird experience, it felt like it was fake.
I arrived early afternoon, and once checked in, I walked to the falls. 2 short blocks, and here I am in front of the most amazing thing ever.

Happy at the Niagara Falls

I absolutely fell in love with Niagara Falls. I know, it is a real zoo and there's thousands of tourists. But I was one too so it's okay. I will make sure I return a often as possible. Ideally with a lover next time.

The Maid of the Mist! What an experience. Seeing the Falls so close and feeling the mist and actual rain, very cleansing.

And of course at night, I returned to see the Falls lit in every colors of the rainbow.

Because of the amount of people around I returned to the Falls at 5.45Am the next day, and filmed myself dancing in front of the Falls and sunrise. It should be interesting to see edited.

Tuesday morning I returned to Williamsport, PA, to visit my friends, took a nap and off to home. I arrived in Trenton at 1AM and enjoyed a nice resting night. 

I am so glad I won the Award at the Indie Gathering, it forced me to take the trip and do all these great things. If you know me well, you know I always push my limits, and one of my saying is "Your life begins at the end of your comfort zone...", this trip was surely outside my comfort zone and I enjoyed every minute of it.

So let's look at what else I can do to get out of my comfort zone.

Keep reading my blog, and you'll find out what that French guy named Saba is up to. 

Saba

My trip - Day 10

What a great day. Last day of the Indie Gathering Film Festival in Hudson, Ohio. I started the day with a two hour workshop on DP work and the new Panasonic GH2 camera. Learned a bunch of helpful things to experiment with it.
After that, my hot moment was a lecture on Special FX with Robert Kurtzman, Beki Ingram and Alan Tuskes. I asked so many questions, that half way through, I felt like being the host of a TV show. They were very awesome, as I loved seeing their passion while explaining how they got into make-up and movies.
After another conversation with Beki and Robert after the lecture, the award ceremony began.
It was fast enough that no one fell asleep and one cool moment was when Robert Z'Dar proposed to his fiancee, and didn't even wait for the answer. She eventually told him yes. Very cute moment. 
Both Robert Z'Dar and Robert Kurtzman received an Hall of fame Award. Cool dudes.
After the festival ended, Glessna and Edmond Coisson, producers of the Naperville Film Festival, invited me to dinner. Great conversation on film making and festivals, soon joined by Brad Leo Lyon, a great producer/actor.

Brad Leo Lyon, Robert Z'Dar wife to be, Saba

We went to the restaurant around 6 and left at 11PM. All that time talking about films and projects, and personal experiences. This was a fun weekend to have. I look forward to meet them all again and work with them all.
Edmond said, "It's never too late to be, who you could have been", it's really true, and I will go to bed with that in mind.
S

My Trip - Day 9

Get up to a hotel shower, and a crazy hotel buffet. Luckily I bought eggs to get a descent meal in me for the long day ahead.
First time making eggs in a microwave, it sort of exploded, but I ate whatever came out of it. I figured, it's egg and radiation, it's gotta be good.
Next, I was a judge in the Acting competition. All I could think was WOW! Acting is already crazy enough for the ego, but competing in a room of stranger, is like if you met with 100 people in a large room, get undressed and vote who's got the best body...
Of course it's only relevant to the judges, and what we like or dislike. Tough one.

After that, I attended a bunch of lectures and workshops on marketing, producing and things I love to hear about about. The high light was meeting ROBERT Z'DAR. First at his lecture, and then at a panel discussion on Acting, where once again I was asked to be one of the panelists with Robert, Kristina Michelle and another actress from LA. Robert, though I knew him from serious roles, is the funniest dude around here. Good times.

Apart from the showing of my movie ABOUT A WEEK in the afternoon, the other highlight of the day was meeting BEKI INGRAM, awesome special effet make-up artist, recently in the TV show FACE OFF Season 2. It began with a quick introduction and lasted for an hour. The girl is awesome and of course meeting her Boss, Robert Kurtzman was pretty amazing too.

9PM, Kristine Michelle, interviewed me for the the TV show of the festival. Don't remember what I said, blah, blah, blah... I'll have to watch the show.
MOvies, movies, movies...At midnight I was getting pretty tired and went to the bar where everyone was. Robert Z'Dar waved at me to join him, his fiancee, and a couple I knew, are producing one his upcoming project. Very good times, and bonded with the couple who actually are the producers of the Naperville Film Festival.
Laugh a lot, talked a lot and bonded. Bed at 2AM.
In this business, network, network, then network some more, and at the end of the day, go on Facebook.
Story of my life.
S

My trip - Day 8

It's Friday morning, and I entered the new destination in the GPS. Hudson, Ohio from Williamsport, PA. After I go for a few miles, and finally get on a road, worthy of the name, my GPS tells me "Make a turn in 181 miles...". This is the kind of directions that makes me laugh. Or when the GPS says, in 1/4 of a mile, turn left...Who on this planet can tell me what a quarter of a mile is...

It took me a few hours to get to my hotel and I like my little room with a king size bed. As I called my friend Keith, he told me I had received a letter from a Festival, with the mention WINNER on the envelope. And YES! I won the Award of Merit in a Leading Role for my interpretation of "Rye" in "About A Week". This is the second award we win for this movie.
At 6PM the Indie Gathering Film Festival began and I watched movies until 11.30PM. I was too tired to watch the last one.
Tomorrow, Saturday, I am a judge in the acting competition and have a long day. Really looking forward to meet wonderful people.
The producer of the festival, are really nice, and it's refreshing to meet people who smile.
So in doubt, exhale and SMILE!
S

My Trip - Day 7

Yesterday was day 6 of my trip, and I spent most of the day on the road. It was actually an incredible ride on Interstate 88. Very little traffic and a beautiful scenery.

I arrived in Williamsport around 8PM and had a light diner with my friends.
This morning, up at 7AM to go Monarch caterpillars hunting. We found a good dozen and it was really cute to do.

Butterfly Heaven

Following Butterfly Heaven, we went horse riding. My horse was a beautiful male, very dark brown and named Whiskey... At first the ride was a little weird, but soon we ended up in the woods and following a small river. Eventually we crossed the river and came back. One hour on the horse and I loved it, I felt like a real cowboy. :-)

I could never own one, but boy do I love horses.
After that we went to the local Harley Davidson, where my friend Theresa treated me with a t-shirt. Always need more t-shirts.
For dinner I taught them to make a great mac and cheese recipe, that I got from my friend Joe and slightly changed it.
Everyone loved it, and we finished with a peach and pecan ice cream.
Tomorrow I'm riding to Cleveland and leaving in the morning.
It was fun to see my friends. I usually come here to teach a dance workshop in May, and am always working. Doing something like today was really spending quality time and I'm gonna do this more often. Hopefully, I will share all this with a gorgeous boyfriend of mine very soon...
Going to bed now. I'm gonna dream of my horse ride and imagine I'm in a Clint Eastwood's movie.
Sweet dreams.
Saba

My trip - Day 5

As promised, today I actually worked a lot. I wrote five blogs for the company I work for since February, LULUDI Living Frames, and was happy to do that.
I actually spent about 3 hours casting my vote on a new project I'm co-producing, JE T'AIME, JEAN. We are casting 11 roles, and had over 1900 submissions so far. It was tough to choose, but a pre-selection has been done and now we'll actually meet the actors on the 28th of August, in New York City.
PLEASE remember, I am not the casting director, so no phone calls and no personal emails. You may submit through actors access and write a note that you know me or worked with me, or that you like chocolate....Whatever you feel will help your case.

For lunch, I had sauteed young potatoes, freshly dug from my friend's garden. I went Julia Child crazy and used a lot of butter, but I'm french after all, so it's okay. It was delicious, with a fresh egg on top. Amazing.

In Joe's garden.

After lunch, I finally got around my new script A LAST SUPPER. It's taking me a long time to write, because, though it is technically a fiction, and will be played by actors, I'm using reel information and statistics of our time. My researches for this began last year, and I've been really working hard. After ABOUT A WEEK was done, I wanted to write this, but someone inspired me to write SNOW, and off we went. A LAST SUPPER is meant to be a feature about all the taboos, I have encountered in my life and had to fight for. Being gay, fetish, racism, aliens, god, guns, money...All the things people should never talk about around a table.
It is a fun script to write and I can hardly wait to have my first table read.

Working hard on my laptop.

Now, I'm about to stop working and help fix the birthday dinner for my friend Joe Eck, and off to bed.
Tomorrow, I'll be leaving at 2PM for Williamsport, PA.
Til next time, stay happy, plant trees and drink water.
Saba

My trip - Day 4

Today was a mini trip on the motorcycle, so my friend Joe Eck could visit old memories. We left in the morning around 10AM to go to "Swanzey, NH". We went to the Harley Davidson store, where I bought a t-shirt for my friend Christine L.
For lunch, we went to Harrisville and ate at the general store. With the view of the old town (1830's).

The ride continued to "Nelson, NH" to see May Sarton's house (Author of Plant, Dreaming Deep). That's when I saw the row of mailboxes and couldn't resist to take a picture in front of it, with my beautiful Road King....

The weather was a delight and I was almost cold in fact.
On the way back we stopped at a panorama and enjoyed the multiple clouds over the immense view.

Now I'm back to my friend's house and I'm cooking dinner for Joe and Martha. A good movie tonight and a nice night of rest.
I am enjoying my time and must put myself to work on my script.

My trip - Day 3

Today after another great home cooked meal, my friends Joe and Martha took me to a concert in Marlboro (VT). It was the final concert of the 60th Marlboro Music festival and the program was as followed:
Beethoven's Wind Octet in E-Flat Major, Op 103
Bela Bartok's String Quartet Nº 5
Beethoven's Fantasy for Piano, Chorus and Orchestra, Op 80 "Choral Fantasy".
The first piece was beautiful but a little tame for my taste, but extremely well executed. Where my heart was lifted, was in the Bartok's piece. It was funny and passionate, moving, invigorating and even upsetting at times, but that was one piece I couldn't fall asleep to. As a choreographer and dancer, I could see movements over this amazing music.
When I danced in the Martha Graham Dance Ensemble, I performed many times to Bartok's music in "Temptation of the Moon".
The last piece by Beethoven, was what I expected and reminded me a lot of his symphony. The weight of the music created vibrations throughout the theater and I could feel the even rhythm through my feet. The pianist, Mitsuko Uchida, was a the rock star of the concert. Her playing was exquisite and her energy reminded me of Mick Jagger.
The group will tour with various programs on the East coast and I will try to catch them again in NYC or Philly in October. Until then, I'm for sure getting a Bartok CD.
Time for a light dinner and off to bed.
When you find the right music to listen to, it's like finding the g-spot of your ear.
Saba

My trip - Day 2

Yesterday was not a traveling day, but a wonderful day nevertheless. A Memorial for Wayne Winterrowd (Author), was being held in North Hill Garden in Vermont. "Sunday Morning", a beautiful poem by Wallace Stevens was read, by Joe Eck, Wayne's lifetime partner. Following the reading in the garden, we all moved into the house to a concert.
The piece was "Sextet for strings in G major, op 36", by Johannes Brahms, transcribed for piano by Brahms himself. Played by Andrew Haringer and Gregory Hayes, it was a four hands magical concert.
The way their hands  and fingers moved on the piano, reminded me of dancers running in every directions, without ever bumping into each other.
After the concert we had a great Southern menu of devil eggs, potato salad, fried chicken (Not me...Vegetarian), and a strawberry cream pie to die for.
The guests were as eclectic as you can imagine, from gardeners, architects, fashion designers, writers, musicians, poets and me... Conversations were non-stop until 8 PM and though the rain was poring all day, we managed to stay dry in front of a beautiful fire, the kind you only get in old houses.
This was a country dream, and I felt very special to be a guest to such a brilliant event. I've been friend with Joe for over 12 years and though I knew of Wayne from the beginning, I never had the chance to meet him and regret it. It's partly my fault for always thinking that I would do it one day, but it wasn't meant to be.
Once again my belief is revived, and I want to do everything I've been putting on the back burner.
More to come, and hopefully pictures soon, once I figure out how to use my new camera.
Celebrate life by living it to the fullest.
Saba

My trip - DAY 1

Yesterday I left Trenton (NJ), at 10 AM and planned to arrive in Readsboro (VT) by 3PM...Well, I arrived at 5.30PM. Two minutes after saying goodbye to my roommate, I had to stop on the side of the road to put my rain gear on. Once totally covered, I got on the motorcycle and went on. Just as if the weather was waiting on me to be ready, it began to rain like crazy, and from then on I felt like I was driving my bike through a car wash the entire time.
I stopped for a break after 3 hours, and really enjoy that warm green tea and chocolate muffin, as though I was wearing my gear, water found a way to get through it and I was cold as hell (Well that's a funny expression...).
When you drive a motorcycle, time is different and you are very lonely, but for me it's always the perfect time to think and create.
Part of the trip, I couldn't help thinking that for the past three years, the rain has been quite intense. We spend weeks without water, but when it rains, it's never a gentle earth healthy rain, it's thunder-storms...What happened to a gentle rainy day, where the rain is absorbed by the ground? I just hope we get to be back to the way it was.
In any case, I arrived in Vermont, we lit a beautiful fire and I was able to partially dry my clothes and get warm.
Few days here will be a great way to enjoy the country side and work on my new script.
Stay dry and smile.
Saba

Abuse or Responsibilities 2...

Friday afternoon, I received a phone call at 2.05pm to tell me the bike was ready. I was thrilled and after seeing my beautiful bike all clean and fresh, I forgot the troubles of the week.
For my anniversary, my good friend Christine L. gave me a Best Buy card so I could buy  a movie that I would like.
This week, at BB, if you return your dvds you get a $5 coupon towards a Blueray 9.99 and up. $4.99 a Blueray, I'm game.
So, after picking up the bike I went to BB, returned 5 DVDs, got my coupons and bought 6 Bluerays for $40, which was covered by the gift card. (Well half of it...Still $20 for 6 Bluerays is pretty good...).
When time came to pay, this blonde bimbo, was at the cash register, waving at me to go to her. I went, and here she was nose on her iphone texting while "serving" me. After feeling totally ignored, I decided to speak up and asked her why she looked so miserable and upset.
Her answer was that she had no choice, because she has to pay her student loan. Honey, do you think I grow money on my window seal? I told her that though she had to work at BB, she could at least be nice to a smiling stud like me... That's not what I said, I said she could be a little nicer and shouldn't treat me like shit because of her student loan. I also told her she made her day much longer by staying in this misery mode. I left wishing her good luck and a great rest of the day.
I believe we choose to be and feel miserable. Just snap out of it. Get a life, eat chocolate and be nice.
Here I was thrilled to get 6 new Bluerays and this bimbo ruined it for half a minute, yes half a minute of my day was darkened by her misery. But I recover fast. I crossed the misery ocean for years, and though I was pushed in it by a bunch of unpleasant people, I realized that only I, had the power to get out of it. So today I'm wishing best of luck to the bimbo and the other unpleasant people in fact, and hope next time she'll remember to smile.
If you don't know if you're smiling, stop doing what you're doing, think of someone you know farting, and let it happen.
Love. Saba.

16th Anniversary in America!

August 4th 1996, I was entering the great United States of America. I didn't speak a word of English, though I knew all Madonna's songs by heart, and I was coming for two weeks.
Two week on scholarship at the Martha Graham Dance School and them back to the French Riviera.
Fortunately for me, someone at the Graham School offered me a chance to stay. After a few months, I was joining the Martha Graham Dance Ensemble, and another few months later I was performing on the New York City stage, some of the most prestigious pieces of the Graham repertoire.
After 5 years with the company, I created "Saba Dance Theater", performed 5 seasons, won a Time Out New York Bessie Audience Award for best performance in 2004, and got to work with wonderful dancers.
In 2005, after creating "3", my last show so far, I realized I wanted to go back to acting. Luckily, my dear friend Barbara, who needed a place to stay for a few months, ended up introducing me to Bill Hopkins.
Since August 2006, I work with Bill as an actor, every single week of the year. After my decision in 2010 to start writing and directing my own projects, Bill has since been guiding me as a director.
2010, also marks the creation of my film production company, "Cloudy Sky Films". I wrote, produced, directed and star in a webseries, "Sherry's Kitchen", made my first short in 2011, "About A Week", and I'm now working on my first feature "Snow".
As an actor I continue to submit my headshot and resume almost everyday, and am waiting for that big break. But if there is one thing I learned in America, is to make your luck happen.
My friends could tell that I'm a workaholic, and in a way I agree.
16 years in this amazing country and hopefully many, many more to come and wonderful people to meet.
Thanks to all for supporting me.
Saba.

Abuse or responsibilities?

Since the 90's I've been a biker and rode various motorcycles. In 2010 I got a red and black Harley Davidson Road King that I adore and use all year long to go about with my life.
Monday, I brought the bike for its 25,000 miles service, and a few modifications. Because the changes were major in the bike, I got three different quote from my local dealer. Every answer was, "Yeah! No problem! We can do it".
On the first day, they call me to tell me that half the things were not doable, and that in addition to everything, the back tire had to be changed. When I asked what would happen if I didn't change it, they said the warranty would be waved. So! Add the tire.
On the second day, the belt and rotating disks, had to be changed and not under warranty. I went to the garage. They showed me, I had a mini fit, and said they would see...
On the third day, the belt and disks were gonna be taking care of by the warranty, but the heated grip I chose didn't fit the application? Whatever that meant, they told they had a pair that fit the application, and though I didn't like it one bit, I settled to get my bike back.
That same day the young employee calls me to tell me that the bike wouldn't be ready in time that day. At this point I express my frustration, how I feel abused by all these men and that I most likely will never return there after it's done.
Same day, one hour later, the big boss calls me with apologies and tells me he gonna order the hand grips I originally wanted. What happen to the application thing they told me, I'll never know.
On the fourth day, silence...
On the fifth day, I call at 10AM and am told to call back at Noon for more info.
Noon the same day, I'm told by another person, the bike is being washed and they will call me when ready.
Now, am I imagining the bullshit or what?
I am a very patient and trusting person, but don't mess with my patience too much, 'cause I'm a Scorpio, and when I get mad, it's not fun to be around.
It's now 1.30pm and I'm gonna go there, after I visit a friend near by and they better be ready for me, because at this point I doubt their behavior was based on responsibility, but more on abuse of their power. More to come soon.
Saba